Who’s Afraid of Friday the 13th by Tommy Zman
Triskaidekaphobia (from Greek tris meaning “3″, kai meaning “and”, deka meaning “10″ and phobia meaning “fear” or “morbid fear”) is fear of the number 13; it is a superstition and related to a specific fear of Friday the 13th, called paraskevidekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia.
Okay, that was the Wikipedia definition of the official term used for Friday the 13th, which is the day this blog is being posted. I know that some of you overly superstitious nerds are freaking out, “Zman, why couldn’t you post yesterday on the 12th or tomorrow on the 14th?!” Well, first of all, that’s not up to me as I am just a hired scribe who gets paid to write and post this smoke-laden drivel when they tell me to. And secondly, get over yourselves fer crisskaes, lots of people will be enjoying a very productive day today and I advise that you become one of them. No use shutting yourself in the house with the lights off while eating rationed canned food like Hormel chili because: a. It’s just plain friggin stupid-ass ridiculous, and b. You’ll be farting like a sick dog for three days straight and just think of your family, man.
If you look on the web, there are all kinds of wacky explanations for how this all started – Some Christian traditions claim that while at the Last Supper, Judas, the disciple who betrayed Jesus, was the 13th to sit at the table. And while Judas Priest was a real idiot, he did start a great metal band. Then there is English folklore about the Knights, and even stuff dating back to the Ancient Persians and the Vikings. And, the fact that the Vikings have lost all four Super Bowls that they have appeared in almost has me believing, but… nah.
So I was thinking, “What should I do to celebrate this Friday the 13th in style… Work underneath a ladder all day, take in a family of stray black cats, continuously throw salt over my shoulder where it looks like it’s snowing in my living room? Hey… I know!… What if I smoke THIRTEEN CIGARS TODAY! Whoa… that is just an awesome idea… thirteen premium hand rolled good lucky-sticks whose smoke will ward off any and all demons (including my wife.) Now THIS is a seriously good idea and I’d better start now figuring I’ll be done some time just before midnight! Does anybody know the story of when I won a wedding party bet by smoking ten Cuban cigars in one day? Well this beats that one and then some! Hey, guys like Mark Twain and Sigmund Freud smoked 20 a day, so this should be a piece of cake! (Just make sure that somebody brings over a tankard of FeBreeze and a barrel of Tic Tacs when I’m done.)
Okay, now its time to pick my smokes because they’ve gotta be good – I mean, I’m not gonna smell like a tire fire and develop black lung all for some crappy dog-rockety smokes, right? (Come on, amuse me, just say, “Yeah, right.”) So here’s my line-up card of 13 cigars for today’s wild n’wacky festivities…
ARTURO FUENTE HEMMINGWAY, AVO CLASSIC, CAMACHO-CONNECTICUT, CAO-OSA-SOL, DON-TOMAS-CLASICO, EL-REY-DEL-MUNDO-REAL, H.-UPMANN-SUN-GROWN, JR-EDICION-LIMITADA-ALTERNATIVE, LA-AURORA-107, PUNCH-RARE-COROJO, MY-FATHER-LE-BIJOU-1922, WARLOCK, PARTAGAS-1845.
So that’s my plan for destroying all superstitions for today. Anyone who cares to join me will have no problem finding my house – it’s the one up the road with Smokey the Bear out front in a lawn chair enjoying some of my personal stash.
DON’T MISS – The NEW JR•Cigar Catalog is out and you can read my regular column on page 98: What Really Roasts My Robusto! This issue’s story is entitled: The Ultimate Answer to saving the World (and if you love cigars, you’re gonna love where I’m headed with this one!)
VERY IMPORTANT: I urge you to PLEASE SUPPORT Cigar Rights of America as they continue to deal with congress, the senate, and all US legislators who need to be made aware that our cigars are the best friends we know of and we will fight like hell to keep them in our lives! >>http://cigarrrights.org
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